Category: Being Brave

Happiness Is… Asking for Help

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I’m really bad at asking for help.

Several years ago, my sister and I were wandering around Target—I don’t remember what we were looking for, but we couldn’t find it. At some point, a store employee walked by and asked if they could help us find anything. We both immediately responded, “No, we’re fine,” before realizing that yes, actually, we could use some help.

Yes, actually

I feel so used to saying, “Thank you, but I can do this on my own,” that it’s become a knee-jerk reaction even when I would love a helping hand.

That same response sometimes caused problems at my last 9-to-5 job. The team had a rule of thumb we were supposed to follow: if you’ve spent 15 minutes trying to figure something out on your own, it’s time to ask someone for help. So many of us felt determined to make it work by ourselves, embarrassed to need assistance, or just too stubborn to call for reinforcements.

I notice that when I’m struggling with the terrors of formatting in Microsoft Word or trying to find a display setting that I just know is buried somewhere in my WordPress dashboard. It’s sometimes alarming how much time I waste when the answer is a quick web search or text to a friend away.

Phone a friend

But I’m taking a cue from how good it feels when I do ask for help and get to move on from a minor problem without (metaphorically) pulling my hair out. And also from the joy I feel when I get to help someone else when I’m the one they reach out to.

Last weekend an old friend called just to chat about the apostrophe in “let’s” vs. “lets” and I was delighted to be his phone-a-friend resource.

That’s why I’ve started creating a few resources for just those kinds of situations—check out my new LinkedIn checklist, word count tracker, and basic copy checklist! And in the spirit of all of us asking for more help, I’d love to know what other checklists or templates or guides I can support you with.

Tell me in the comments or send me a message!

Top 3 Things I’ve Learned in My First Year of Business

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Today is my first anniversary of life as a solopreneur and it’s been a crazy and wonderful twelve months of self-employment.

Keep up with your bookkeeping

When I was in college, my mom bought me a shirt that said “English Major: You Do the Math.” While I won’t say that I’m totally inept when it comes to numbers, my strong suit is definitely words.

It’s been a big mindset shift to not just be a writer and an editor, but to also be the chief executive officer, chief marketing officer, and chief financial officer. And because it’s easy to put off categorizing all my revenue and expenses “until I have more time,” suddenly I’m faced with reconciling the last four months of financial data.

Fortunately, I’ve only had a couple of days that I’ve ended up having to dedicate to digging myself out of a financial reporting hole. And I’m glad that’s a lesson I learned early!

Take advantage of networking

Every personality test or analysis I’ve ever taken has confirmed what I’ve known since a young age: I’m an introvert. And not just an introvert but a shy introvert, which can make large groups of people and social situations a little uncomfortable.

But the truth is that networking is awesome. Local events, industry events, and freelancer events have all been an enormous support for finding a community, getting writing and editorial help, being my own boss, and finding great clients to work with.

Even when I feel butterflies about putting on a nametag and taking a deep breath before chatting with strangers about who I am and what I do, I almost always feel like it was time and energy well spent.

Turn off your computer

One of the joys of being self-employed is that you can truly work whenever you want. But one of the pitfalls is that you can truly work whenever.

Whether trying to meet an upcoming deadline, working to get ahead of schedule, or just tackling the never-ending to-do list of administrative work, it can be easy to start working as soon as I’m awake—and to keep working until it’s time to go to bed.

Being okay with shutting things down (even when there’s more to do), turning off excessive notifications on my phone, and setting boundaries to prevent me from becoming an actual workaholic are all essential to taking advantage of the fact that I can set my own schedule.

Are you a seasoned solopreneur? What have your most important lessons been?

The One with My First Business Trip

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I’m taking my very first business trip this week. I’ve never had a job that required any kind of travel, and I’m very excited that I get to create this opportunity for myself.

I know, I know: if you have to travel for work regularly, it can be a major pain in the ass. The time, the hassle, the sheer volume of germs encountered on so much public transportation.

ACES, here I come

But in spite of all that, I’m absolutely thrilled to be taking myself to the ACES: The Society for Editing annual national conference in fabulous Providence, Rhode Island. ACES is an international organization of editing professionals across industries and in a variety of media, and I’ve been a member since founding my business.

This trip is exciting because it’s a big first for Mallory Herrmann Editorial Services LLC, but also because it’s chock-full of opportunities to learn, network, and check out the local doughnut scene.

I’ll be attending sessions on writing about distressing content, how words get made, using style guides—and, yes, comma usage. I expect there to be much nerdery! There will also be opportunities to learn about process and workflow, social media, diversity and inclusion, and succeeding as an editor.

Ready to learn

I’ve got a brand-new notebook and a stock of pens for all the notetaking I expect to be doing over the three-day conference. I can’t wait to soak up as much as I can in order to both add value to the work I provide for my clients and to create improvements in my business as a whole.

Because being an editor isn’t just about knowing the rules and then following them; it’s an evolution. I’m always learning new rules, new exceptions, new best practices—and that’s a very good thing.

I can’t wait to share some of my takeaways from the conference here and on social media. Follow me over on Facebook and Instagram for live updates from Li’l Rhody this week!

Unplugged: 24 Blissful Hours without My Beloved Phone

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A QUICK DISCLOSURE: THIS POST MAY USE AFFILIATE LINKS.

The time spent on my phone has officially become unsustainable. It’s often my closest companion all day, never more than an arm’s length away. Like so many bad habits, I don’t even realize what’s happening . . . and then I can only cringe when I see those stark weekly usage reports.

  • comic strip showing person on laptop for 24 hours
  • illustration depicting 8 hours for work, 8 hours for rest, 8 hours for what we will

then and now

Digital detox

I did a “digital detox” a couple months back. I’d just finished reading How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life, which culminates in a challenge to give up your phone (or, better, all screens or internet-enabled devices) for 24 hours and had convinced (coerced?) my husband to participate with me. We did a puzzle instead of watching TV and both read more than we might have otherwise.

I could sense that I had benefited from the exercise, but I was also practically counting down the minutes until time was up and I could get my hands back on my phone.

This time, I was participating in the National Day of Unplugging. Inspired by the Jewish Sabbath, a day of rest beginning at sunset on Friday, the day encourages participants to engage in life beyond their devices for 24 hours.

Stop relying on the TV

I turned off my phone around 6:30 on Friday, just before my mother-in-law came over. We usually visit over or around the TV: she shares our interest in true crime, and that always sparks interesting conversation related to whatever series or docuseries we’re following.

But this time, we (gasp!) left the TV off. A chat about how everyone’s week was going turned into funny anecdotes from the workplace; mentions of recently read books sparked the retelling of childhood memories. With tea in hand and candles lit, it felt very hygge. We turned toward each other instead of arranging ourselves around the television. And it was lovely!

The rest of my unplugged time felt just as wonderful: listening to vinyl records with Ali; attending a workshop without fear of my phone ringing (or temptation to check it under the table); running my errands on foot, spending the time outside feeling untethered to any schedule or route; reading a book on the couch in silence.

I actually found myself a little reluctant to re-engage, to open myself back up to the inbox, to dinging notifications, to the compulsion to scroll through feeds.

Baby steps

While I don’t think I’m ready to be unplugged a full day every week, I’m setting a goal to try it for an hour each day. I often spend that much or more reading, but still find myself reacting to each vibration or choosing to pick up my phone to look up a word . . . and then losing track of time or purpose as I get sucked into one app or another.

It’s kind of unnerving to realize how reliant we’ve become on having a tiny powerful computer in our pocket. But I appreciate the resistance I’m seeing in so many circles: setting aside time away from phones, being less reactive and more proactive in how technology is used, not being so afraid to just unplug for a bit.

Have you tried a digital detox? Is unplugging part of your regular routine? Tell me what’s working for you!

2019 Shopping Ban: Why I’m Not Shopping This Year

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I was searching for a pair of boots in the back of the closet—ones I usually just wear around the holidays—when I found it. A plastic bag from Kohl’s with a pair of boot socks and a couple of shirts that still had their tags, the receipt crumpled up in one of the sleeves. I had no idea how long they’d been stuck back there and I was too embarrassed to check the date on the receipt.

A common problem

I know I’m not the only one who’s been here.

bags-black-friday-christmas

One of the books that really stuck with me in 2018 was The Year of Less from Cait Flanders. I’ve had my moments of minimalism over the years, but mostly my tendencies lean more toward packrat. I buy things on an impulse, I like to “take advantage” of a good sale, and I get sentimental about the things around me.

I’ve flirted with the Container Store method (buying my way toward organizational salvation), the KonMari method (keeping only what sparks joy), the cash-only method (put those credit cards away), the wait-30-days method (don’t shop on impulses). None has been an outright failure, and yet . . .

What I liked about Cait’s book is that it points to something beyond the stuff itself—and also the money itself. It’s not exactly that the things I like to buy are terrible or extravagant or regrettable. It’s just that it’s become a habit. I didn’t have any trouble spending my money before, but now I have the Amazon app in my pocket and find myself looking at Target’s clearance endcaps more than weekly. Yikes.

So much stuff

My apartment houses two adults and a cat but it’s stuffed to the brim with stuff: stuff we don’t really need, stuff we don’t actually use, brand-new stuff we don’t even know exists in the back of our closet.

So we’re going to stop.

My husband and I are doing a 2019 shopping ban.

We can buy groceries, fresh flowers, birthday cards. We can buy household and personal care items like laundry detergent and shampoo, but only when they run out. We can buy cold medicine and cat food.

But no books. No clothes. No trinkets or gadgets. No throw pillows or vinyl records or scarves or impossibly adorable baby clothes for our niece and nephew.

It’s going to be tough: I love to shop and to find clever things and to support local makers and to send gifts to my loved ones.

But it also already feels like a relief. There’s a line in the sand and an opportunity to reset that impulse. I hope that by the time this year comes to a close, the biggest thing I’ve bought myself this year is some mindfulness.

How to Write a Book: 3 Tricks to Finishing Your Novel

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More than clearance Halloween candy, more than the promise of turkey and pumpkin pie, and even more than the joy of sweater weather . . . November is about writing.

Set a goal

Have you thought about writing a book? As far as bucket list goals go, it’s a pretty popular one. But where to find the time or the energy? Or even the pressure of a deadline? NaNoWriMo to the rescue! National Novel Writing Month is a free global community program that encourages you to set a goal and stick to it: write 50,000 words in the 30 days November has to offer.

I’ve attempted it several times but have only “won” once; I have high hopes of doing it again this year! Here are my three favorite tactics for making it across that word-count finish line:

Put it on your calendar

This can seem like both the easiest and the hardest thing to do. Time can feel scarce, but there’s definitely something to be said for making it a priority by including it alongside other must-dos (like work, childcare, or feeding yourself). Whole afternoons can be great when you can find them, but don’t forget to look for those 15-, 30-, or 60-minute chunks too.

Find a buddy

Nothing keeps you accountable like a friend who’s in the same boat. Get a buddy to sign up with you or find fellow writers who are participating (there are tons of great communities, both online and in real life). Check in with each other, meet up for a write-in. And when you find yourself getting stuck, remember that others are out there chugging along on their manuscripts too.

Just keep going

Even if you’re certain that what you’re putting on-screen is garbage, even if you’re sure it’s not propelling your plot, momentum counts for a lot. Whether you take advantage of sprint exercises at a community write-in event or through the @NaNoWordSprints Twitter account—of if you’re just forcing yourself to keep those fingers moving—that energy often allows you to find some clue, angle, or thread that will inspire you sooner or later to really move forward in earnest.

You can always edit later, so keep stringing those words together. Before long, you have a thousand words and then fifty thousand words. Now you’ve got a manuscript!

Signed up? Let me know how you’re doing!

Abundance

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I’ve been struggling with the idea of abundance lately. I have a tendency to think, “I love these shoes so much that I don’t want to wear them too often so they’ll last longer.” And also, “I’m afraid of getting too much work in case it runs out.” The scarcity mindset.

Unlimited resources, power, and compassion

purple abundance chakra energy candle

A few months ago, I was in a tiny shop that was full of local, handmade, and New-Agey-type things. I was drawn to a display of chakra energy candles, and one labeled “abundance” in particular. It smelled yummy and, at the time, I was in the process of ramping up my freelance business so that I could leave my corporate day job. Abundance. It felt like destiny. It even said so on the label: Your true self will attract unlimited resources, power, and compassion to realize your destiny.

I brought it home and lit it, enjoying its pretty color and wonderful scent. It wasn’t a particularly cheap candle (and with the job change I was planning, I certainly wasn’t looking for any more expensive habits) so when I finished my meditation, I extinguished it and put the plastic protective covering back. It sat on my desk, unlit, for a good six weeks. It wasn’t until today, when I was trying on an affirmation about having everything I need, about the universe providing limitless resources, that I saw it (and my mindset) and laughed out loud.

Want it all!

I have a drawer full of white T-shirts I don’t wear so they won’t start to look gray. I keep gift cards for nicer-than-average restaurants until there’s a special-enough special occasion. I have a cute basket with spa-inspired face masks and bath bombs that I save for some future day when I really need one, whatever that means.

There are clients I want to work with, projects I want to pursue—but not until I’m ready. Not until I have the calendar capital to devote an entire day just to it. Not until I’m sure I’ve got other work to follow it.

I read recently: “Want it all, that’s what it’s there for.” I think that’s from Mike Dooley; I have it taped to my computer monitor. It could also be, “use it all, that’s what it’s there for.” Work, energy, and yes, even money: these are renewable resources! We don’t have to hoard them until there’s enough. We’ve got all we need already.